Hello beautiful people of the interwebs! Its a rainy and chilly day here in East Texas. Normally these kind of days make me want to curl up and stay in bed and finish season 5 of The Walking Dead. But instead, I put on my brightest mustard yellow sweater, because I always gravitate towards yellow when its a rainy day. Life has been INSANE! So I've been slacking on the Fit & Happy posts, and most posts in general. Today I can finally breathe a bit so I wanted to recap how things have been lately. I'm focusing mostly on mental health and happiness today so get ready for some heavy stuff. In case you've missed it, each (most) Tuesday I'm writing my goals and recapping the previous week's goals in my journey towards mental and physical health/happiness. You can find the previous posts here.




- Learn To Tune & Play A Song On My Ukulele!  I kinda did. Though its not really all that hard. haha. I've been watching a lot of ukulele youtube videos and the first actual song I learned was Three Little Birds .   I really want to learn to plan the Twenty-One Pilots song House of Gold or their version of "Can't Help Falling In Love"  The singer's voice is like velvet! I'm obsessed.

 


-Just Get Stuff Done & Don't Lose My Mind So far so good on this one. I had 2 freelance clients back out recently that freed up a lot of time for me but also put me in a stinky mood. Having clients disappear or back out is hard on your ego as a designer and also your wallet if that is your main source of income.

-Continue To Make Healthy Food Choices I'm doing ok here. I'm still sticking with cutting down my portions by A LOT and drinking tons of water. I snuck in a couple of sodas and quite a few Valentine's Day chocolates, which I immediately regretted.

-Get out! Sadly, grocery shopping and class has been the extent of my "getting out". Class has been a much needed stimulating environment for me though. It makes me wish I had taken all of my classes on campus. I need a road trip so badddddddd! I can't wait until I can.

-Get Lots Of Sleep I love my sleep. I haven't been staying up as much as in the past and I definitely feel a difference. Sleep is so important! When I was younger I could stay up til 4 AM and then wake up and go to school without a problem. These days, if I don't get at least 6 hours I'm useless. Oh to be young again haha.


About Water: So I downloaded this app Plant Nanny! It helps you remember to drink water by sending you notifications when its time for more. The best part though, besides having a happy body, is having a happy plant! You can pick out your own plant and every time you drink water, you are watering your plant! Believe me, you don't want to make this plant sad. Most of us are already checking our phones throughout the day, so this is a great way to make sure you are drinking enough.



- Exercise, ugh!  Exercise has been my biggest struggle in my adventures in mental & physical health.  I have no desire to do it. At all. I walk a lot, but not for exercise, at flea markets, malls and walking the dog lol. I haven't found any particular exercise or routine that I like and that makes it hard. When the weather is gross, it makes it even harder to get outside. I don't have the time or desire to spend money on a gym so that's out for me. I wish I had a work out buddy too. Do you have any recommendations?


-Spend time in thought The past few years have been a little emotional and hectic for me emotionally. I've struggled a lot with what I want, loving myself and learning to be confident in myself, my work and those around me. As a result my relationships with essentially everyone have suffered. I haven't been the best mom 100% of the time. I've shut myself off from family and friends for periods of time just because I didn't want to socialize. I do, but I don't. People with anxiety get that. I had horrible anxiety as a teenager, and while I'd say that I've overcome the physical side of anxiety, occasionally the thoughts/feelings creep back in. But as an adult, it's a different kind of anxiety. It's hard. I want to spend more time reflecting and taking in life. I need to simplify my needs and clear my mind.

Also, on an extremely personal note, I decided to talk to my OBGYN about depression related to my hormones. I've noticed that just like with most women, PMS had a horrible effect on my mood. But for me, it has gradually gotten worse over the years. Turns out I have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.
It's been so bad the past few years that it effects my judgement and quality of life. For about a week every month, I would have extremely, life sucking depression. I would want to break up with my boyfriend, move out of my house, quit my job, give up on my dreams..... basically just give up on everything and hide in a hole. 

Realizing that this was an actual medical condition, and not just me, was so liberating. It wasn't ME that was so unhappy and angry, it was my hormones. Being a lady is tough business guys. Our bodies go through so much. XOJANE wrote an amazing post about this. I could relate so much to it. It made me feel not so alone. She points out that a lot of women who are driven artistically and creatively suffer from anxiety and depression. It makes me wonder what the correlation is there. 


The pursuit of happiness. A lot of people say that "pursuing happiness" is the worst way to be happy. Some say that happiness, is just living in each moment. Recently, my happiness has been stunted by unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations are probably the source of all of my problems actually haha... Mr. Darcy... Having a pinterest perfect home... body image expectations... accomplishments... the list goes on. I think its time reevaluate what is realistic for myself. I'm not talking about lowering standards, just being real and honest with myself.

 Thanks for reading. Hopefully I didn't lay too much on you this time haha. If you can relate to ANYTHING I've mentioned, please let me know! The fact that we, as women, can support each other instead of putting each other down is beautiful. As always, I'll be tracking my journey on Instagram & Twitter with hashtag #fitandhappytues