Over the past year or so... the more and more I dive into the design/art world and the more and more talented people I discover the more and more I lose myself. I feel such an obligation to stick inside of the trends and what is popular and happening in the moment. While this may be somewhat of a good thing for a designer to be able to give a client something that is going to be able to keep up with the times and catch the eye of its desired audience... i find myself getting lost in this. I browse my favorite blogs and designers full of complete envy.. they seem to have it so "together" in terms of identity. Sure its good to give someone who wants to be trendy something trendy... but for myself... i feel utterly lost.

i want to be just ahead of whats happening. i want to know the trend before it happens and set it in motion. ya know?  despite all of that its been a very difficult process in self branding.. im so accustomed to having an eye for what is good for someone else and what is appropriate for this particular location.. this person.. this audience.. this time.. this purpose that i dont know where I, myself stand in terms of my OWN personality.. brand.. style. Even when I first got my own place and started decorating I was drawn to so many different styles I couldnt decide what I wanted. Did vintage furniture and floral prints tell you who I am as a person. (This makes me think of Fight Club where Edward Norton's character is talking about IKEA and what furniture "defines me as a humn being") But as lame as that may sound... the things you surround yourself with are so important. they inspire you... they comfort you.. I feel as though I am a chameleon... i shape shift to give you/ be  what you want. i can zero in on every tiny detail to create your brand but i simply can not do it for myself.  not to mention i am far too cynical for myself. i immediately question any idea or thing i create for my own personal use.

hahaha. i suppose this is a blessing in disguise that i have no true color.. font.. or style to define myself. i suppose the lack of brand is my brand. who knows. maybe thats why minimalism is so popular... because it allows anything to happen and come out of it. does this make any sense at all? or is my coffee just speaking for itself? am i just destined to give everyone what they want forever while ever satisfying myself creatively? ay yi yi.

all of this has done nothing but breed negativity. i realize now that i have to continue to move forward regardless and continue learning. although "who i am" is something that will be ever changing for me here on this blog as well as in life. i have accepted that and do not feel the need to be what everyone else wants anymore... in the end the most important thing is for me to remain true to myself. its been a heck of a thing to realize... but im finally on the right path i believe.


whether you are a writer... artist.. designer... handmade-er.. do you ever feel lost in your identity? or have you ever gotten so caught up in creating something for a particular customer/audience that you forget who you are?