I feel like I've sat down and written or attempted to write this post in some form at least a dozen times. Can we get real about life for a minute? I think my generation and those older than me were raised with this preconceived idea of what success is. Its some combination of the "dream job", the mortgage,  the family, the picket fence and new car every few years. All of those things are all based on material things that we can for the most part live without or with a downsized version of. We've been told that working hard will buy you all the things you need in life to be happy. I've been in a constant battle with myself to find happiness the past few years with very little success.

When I was a teenager I struggled very hard with anxiety. I didn't realize that it was anxiety until several years into it. I was horribly insecure with myself. I worried about what everyone thought of me. I couldn't sit in a quiet room for an extended period of time without feeling like I couldn't breathe. At night I would have really bad panic attacks.  I would fall sleep and jerk awake right before falling asleep, not able to breathe and my heart racing. It felt like my throat was closing up. It was terrifying. And I was always a secretive person and didn't have a typical relationship with my parents where I talked about all of my problems. Going to the dentist and having to sit still was terrifying to me. And the only time they ever used the gas on me at the dentist was one of the worst experiences of my life. I probably should've been put on prescription medication for something.

I'm happy to say that I overcame it on my own. Having a child and becoming responsible by the time I was 20 changed me. Maybe it was because by the end of the day with a newborn I was ready to pass out and didn't have time to worry about anxiety! Regardless, I've learned to become comfortable in my skin and have more confidence.  Even now with baby weight and then some, I'm more confident than I've ever been in my life.

I'm still a worrier though. And dealing with rejection from people in my professional life and personal is a very hard pill for me to swallow. I worry constantly about satisfying everyone. I worry about getting orders out on time, whether the font is right for something or if I'm a good mother. I worry about being enough to the man who I consider my soul mate.  And when I make mistakes or fail I take it VERY hard. But this is something too that I'm learning to deal with.

I woke up this morning worrying about a lot of personal and professional things going on. I realized how much it's been eating at my happiness and have made a decision to no longer live that way. I've decided to wake up each morning and conquer the shit out of my life and make the life that I want. No more dwelling and constant worry. Some things cannot be changed, and the things that can be, I have to woman up and take care of business.

Have you dealt with anxiety or are you a HUGE worrier like me? Tell me your story and what you do to overcome it daily. I'd love to hear your experience! I still struggle every day, but I'm trying.  And if you do too, you're not alone.